Personal

Thoughts about losing my mother.

My mom lost her battle with breast cancer 3 years ago, just 6 days before my 26th birthday. It feels like an eternity since the last time I saw her. I remember the days after she passed away I wanted time to stop, because I didn’t want more days to come between the last time I saw her alive, heard her voice, or felt her warm embrace. I knew that my memories would fade and I didn’t want to forget the sound of her voice. I am lucky to have had 25 years with my mom, as I know there are people who got less, or don’t even have a relationship with theirs.

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I’m not sure I believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that some events are divinely inspired in order for other things to occur. Just 2 days before my mom died, I was walking inside from the playground at the pre-school where I worked and I stubbed my pinky-toe really bad on a tricycle. At first the pain was so bad I expected to look down and see my whole toenail ripped off, but thankfully that didn’t happen. I stayed at work for a few more hours after it happened, but ended up leaving a little early that day because I couldn’t stand on my foot, the pain was so bad. I decided to stay home from work the next day to give it some time to heal and ice/elevate it. This ended up being my last day with my mom. I don’t believe that this was a coincidence, but believe God gave me the opportunity to have this whole day with my mom. It was a hard day. I think my mom knew she was near the end of her battle. She stayed in bed all day and would hardly eat. The chemo had destroyed her taste buds and her appetite. I offered her food throughout the day, but she only ate a few bites.  Seeing her like this broke my heart.

Watching someone die is not easy. It’s very heavy. Seeing my mom, someone who was always so full of energy and going on photo outings, being so drained and too weak to walk more than a short distance, was so hard on me. I know that it was also hard on my mom mentally. She wanted to go out and do fun things, but the chemo was not friendly and made her very sick.

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As much as it hurt and really sucked to lose my mom, it was also a big relief to not have to watch her suffer anymore. Nobody wants to see a loved one suffering. I am thankful for the truth that my mom now has a new, perfect body and is in heaven with our Savior. I know that I will see her again one day!

The truth is that I am happy with my life and thankful for every day that I have, but I will always miss my mother. I am thankful that my mom met my now husband and he had the chance to meet her, but sad that she never got to see me get engaged or be at my wedding. Now that I am pregnant, there are so many things I wish I could talk to her about. I wish she was here to share in the excitement. I think

I guess my point in sharing all of this, is just to remind you to be grateful for each day you have on this earth. To encourage you to not to take any relationships for granted. After losing someone so close to me, it made me realize how fleeting this life is. I also know that it was easier for me to go through such a difficult time in my life because of the strength the Lord gave me. I honestly would have been much more of a mess without His support and guidance in my life. When we are weak, He is strong. He has carried me through many painful moments in life and I know His love for me never fails!

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